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Why is it that I am both adverse and attracted to categories? I’m referring not to the specific categories, but to the process of categorization itself.

I don’t mean to be sensitive when others apply labels to me. On some level, I understand that it is just an effort to try to relate to something or someone (i.e. me) beyond themselves. But then I can’t help feeling scared or panicked when it happens.

Perhaps I’m afraid of the pressures of conformity or expectations that come with “representing” a category. After all the only true representation I can ever truly be of is of myself.

Why then, do I bother to seek out definitions and communities to be accepted by? On what basis do I expect such acceptance if I’m not willing to live up to the standards?

I am baffled by my own hypocrisy.

I guess I have no right to be upset with the ones assigning the categories…at least not until I figure out what I am for myself!